As we approach the Marine Corps birthday and, following that, veterans day I find myself thinking a lot about those I have served with as well as the many combat veterans out there struggling to make sense of civilian life. I’m speaking specifically about men who have served in the combat arms. All service is valuable and should be admired and appreciated but the combat arms are where we find most of our struggling vets.
It’s taken me a few years to figure this out but I would like to share with my friends who haven’t served in the combat arms one of the biggest things combat veterans struggle with. We all know there are many vets out there who struggle. It is said that 22 vets commit suicide each day but the truth is that number, although a great way to raise awareness, is a quite high.
The first thing I would like non-veterans to know (and I know I speak for many of my brothers in this) is that vets are not the depressed, helpless mess they are often being portrayed as. They are tough as nails and able to rise up to just about any challenge, they will not back down from a struggle and they can be relied upon to have your back when you truly need it.
That is where the struggle lies. I’ll speak to the Marine Corps Infantry since that is where my experience is. As a young man fresh out of high school (still a boy really) I was tossed into a unit filled with other boys from around the world (yes we even had some foreign nationals from places such as the Philippines, Haiti, even Laos). Many of us had never ventured beyond our homes and had very little interaction with people beyond our culture.
A Marine Infantry unit is a pressure cooker. Take young men from all walks of life, stick them in a large room with nothing but a foot locker or wall locker between them. Make them share a large community shower. Make them eat together, sleep together, shower together, study together, exercise together - literally do everything together. Apply just the right amount of heat and pressure and you come out with a highly functioning precision killing machine.
It’s a bit messy at times. There will be arguments, even fights. Little went unsaid - absolute brutal honesty is the order of the day. Gossip and rumors are crushed in an instant. In the end, regardless of differences and conflict, you work together to accomplish the mission - the mission always comes first.
There were Marines I never got along with - we never had a kind word for each other but, when it came down to it, I had their back and they had mine. If they truly needed me for anything, I would be there in an instant and the inverse was true. If an outsider had something to say, we would defend our brothers in arms even if it meant getting our ass whooped. No one may speak ill of a Marine except another Marine.
All of this intensifies when the bullets start flying. It may seem a bit cliche but what keeps you going in the face of death is the fear of letting your brothers down. It’s one of the strongest bonds that can be forged among men.
With all of this in mind imagine leaving this brotherhood and stepping out into the world, suddenly alone. I vividly remember the day I left the Corps. I stepped out of the Battalion headquarters in Quantico onto the sidewalk - alone for the first time since leaving High School. It was one of the most uncomfortable feelings I have ever felt. I truly felt as if I were abandoning my brothers and leaving them behind. I looked forward to my life ahead with my new wife but I felt a strong sense of remorse for leaving the Corps.
I have been very fortunate in my civilian career in that I have had the opportunity to work with fine men and women in law enforcement and intelligence. This helped me adjust a great deal and, over time, I have learned to dull my edge just enough to fit in. This brings me to the struggle many combat veterans face. Fitting in with civilians who don’t understand them.
I have been out of the service now for 24 years and I still struggle with fitting in with civilians and I know many of my brothers are struggling as well. In civilian life people are not brutally honest and few can handle brutal honesty, Most do not have your back when the going gets tough and very few will stand up for you when others speak ill of you. In civilian life self interest is naturally placed above the mission and the team. All of this makes if very difficult for the combat arms veteran to fit in. It can lead him to feel a strong sense of solitude and being misunderstood. One reason many want to return to service is to once again be among those who understand him.
What does this mean to those in a veterans life? I started by pointing out that these men are not the emotional wreck they are often portrayed to be. Always remember that. The combat vet does not need your pity or sympathy - he needs your respect and loyalty. That is what he is missing.
A combat veteran needs to be challenged - remember he is used to operating in a pressure cooker. Often, the combat veteran is struggling to find a place in the world that makes sense. If you employ one, challenge him - apply a healthy amount of pressure and he will often excel.
Understand that certain things will bother a combat arms veteran deep down. Lack of honesty, integrity and loyalty from friends and coworkers. Placing self interest above the task at hand, failure to have each others back - all things that may be no big deal to average civilians will eat away at his spirit. If you have a combat veteran as a friend or colleague, be true to him. Demonstrate loyalty and honesty with him, stand up for him when others speak ill of him and he will literally give his life for you if necessary. You will find his loyalty to you to be unwavering.
